Good days, bad days.

Recently, more good then bad.

Thank you all.

Bad days x 3.

Still here, not sure what's keeping it that way.

The most obvious thing to say is "someone will notice you, of course"

I say, why does it matter? If they don't care, fuck em, find some new friends. These here forums are a good start. And if you want to remove yourself from all the morons and society obligations, there are better ways to do it.

Yeah, if you do it, they win. Really, who wants to let the bastards get the last word? Don't you have any anger or rage that the blissful ignorant will get to write your obit? Once you're gone you don't get any control over which direction this huge bus, called humanity, is driven. Go out and make a difference. Do something.

Its really a shame that you can't see how much influence you could have if you just put your mind to it. If it has gotten that bad then why don't you move on, find something new, and experience NEW things? There is so much shit out there that you could not have possibly seen yet. Let go of all those weights holding you back and release the crap that is piling up on you. I know its hard to accept and realize what it stems from but if you can clear your mind and see it all for what it is, you would realize that you can make a difference. You can be strong for others. You can be strong for yourself and you can feel something worth feeling.

The more you do, the more you CAN do.

I'd prefer not.

I'd prefer that random.wog got over his/her crisis, and is posting under the regular name again.

Maybe a final, "Yeah, I'm not going to post in this thread anymore, I'm back to just posting as me." without of course, revealing who "me" is, and then just letting this Wog, our friend, get on with his/her life.  Let the Wog live, let the thread die.

S

I still have not made my choice.

As for getting on with my "life", I am afraid that I don't have much of one.

As for my "friends", I don't really have anyone that I consider a "friend" more like "aquantencses".

As for getting new "friends", I have done that 3 times in the past 7 years or so since legally becoming an adult.  And countless times (ok, maybe about 8 times between the ages of 5 and 20).  I don't know how to attach myself to people, and really make friends.

As for if I do decide to kill myself, there is not "they" winning.

The only things that I am able to feel right now are pain and rage.

Well, glad to see you among the living.

Tell you what, Random.Wog...will you indulge me a bit?


I can understand and relate.  And yet, how do you define a friend?  I mean, other than "Friends help you move, Real friends help you move a body."

I mean, seriously...what is it that attracts you to certain people to make you want to call them your friend?  And, what do you look for in a friend?  In order of desirability.

You know, I'm close to twice your age.  Let me let you in on a little insight:

1) You may have one or two friends from this time when you are my age.
2) You and your friends are united usually by common interests, followed by a geniune desire to hang out and be interested in each other, what you have to say, what you contribute.
3) Some people who are interested in being your friend are NOT interested in the emotional obstacle course you put in their way to ensure you're not hurt like you were the last time.

Some folks, you just gotta let in emotionally or lose their friendship.  They won't put up with the bullshit.  Others want YOU to jump through THEIR bullshit hoops.

So instead of trying to guide you blindly through those minefields...tell me a few things, without going into "identifyable" detail:

1) What is the factor that most differentiates between a "friend" and an "acquaintance?"
2) What would you do with a friend if you had one that met your criteria?
3) Top five, in order of importance, attributes you want in a friend.


Hmmm.

Let's work away from the "attachment" part of friendship and towards the "people who meet and hang out together."

I've met my friends either at work, or at one of the activities I do outside of work.  Now, work is an interesting place to make friends, becuase it's schoolyard rules, and folks have their own agendas.  Outside of work, the friends you make while playing, are likely to be "fair weather" friends...and that's not all bad, as long as it's "fair weather" -- don't expect these friends to stand by you in times of crisis.

What I'm saying is...I don't know your criteria for "friend", so I can't really figure out exactly why you have so few, from what you've told me.

If you're more comfortable taking this to PM's, I understand.

But seriously...for me, all it takes to be a friend, albeit an "acquaintance-type" friend, is to talk to me and at least try not to piss me off.  From there, the field is wide open.

In my case, the five aspects of friendship I value the most, in order of importance to me are:

1) Loyalty
2) Integrity/Honesty
3) Tolerance
4) Adaptability
5) Intelligence

I'd put "affection" in there, but I didn't want to sound to fru-fru...so I called it "tolerance."

Loyalty is basically keeping promises and commitments.  I value it, because it's so rare.  Even I have lapses of it when I get stupid, so while I value it the most highly, a normally-loyal friend who screws up every once in a while and forgets my birthday, or breaks a promise, can be easily forgiven.  The more flaky they are, the less likely I am to want to do things with them, because the whole point of friendship is to do stuff TOGETHER...flakes as friends means you do stuff alone a lot...so what's the point of having a friend who doesn't show?

Integrity and Honesty go hand in hand as far as I'm concerned.  I'd rather have a friend who tells it like it is, and is sometimes staggeringly tactless about it, than someone who will blow sunshine up my ass and tell me everything is peachy.  I'm a realist, and I have absolutely no tolerance for wishful thinking in a close friend, because a close friend, to me, is someone who watches my back, and I can take, all Wogged out, into the wilderness with me and expect him (or her) to keep up with me and not be a burden to my preps or my psyche.  I need accurate data, especially if my life will depend on it.  Since my close friends are the ones I trust with my life, this seems a given.

Notice that I value loyalty OVER honesty...that's because sometimes a friend has to lie to do the right thing;  It's not often, but someone with a higher loyalty value will always look out for my best interests when delivering me data -- at least, that's how I see it.  So that's why loyalty is first.

Tolerance.  That is, both tolerance OF my screwy little quirks, and my ability to tolerate theirs.  Let's face it, a good portion of friendship is all about compatibility, and if I've got a loyal person who doesn't lie, but has a few nasty habits that make me want to pull my hair out...I am NOT going to hang out with that person as often as I would one who I didn't have to tolerate as much.

For me, tolerance requires concentration and effort;  That concentration and effort can be more easily spent elsewhere if I don't have to keep working on tolerating my friends.  My friends are mostly low-maintenance types.  Unfortunately, I'm NOT...but I try to be.  So to make up for it, I'm pretty easygoing about my buddies.  Elbert Hubbard once said, "It is the wise and happy man who has a very large cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends."  Or Pope John Paul II, who said, "See everything.  Overlook a great deal.  Correct a little."

Both are applicable in the "Tolerance" category.  It means having fun hanging out with someone and enjoying their presence.

Adaptability.  That's a tough one.  See, my life is very...uh...complex.  I am a polymath...a jack of all trades, if you will (A Wog?), so my friends have to be at least similarly adaptable, if not exactly in the same skillset.  It's nice to have friends who have different levels in the SAME skillset (Such as my buddy the cameraman mentioned in Doing It For Real -- he has it all over me in Medicine and Electronics, but I'm the Firearms guy and the Locks & Safes guy...but we both have all four skillsets) or skillsets.  This makes for ease of conversation when people know what the hell they're talking to each other about.

Many of my friends are also polymaths, but not all.  The ones who aren't...I only hang out with when there's a common interest, or I'll be bored.  The most interesting and adaptible friends I have are the polymaths;  Rarely am I bored with them.

Also, adaptability is an indication of maturity.  The ability to adapt is the scaffold on which the ability to survive is built..and since I am primarily a survival and preparedness kinda guy...that stands to reason.

Intelligence.

I find it difficult to deal with people significantly below my intelligence for any length of time;  I'm not talking 10-20 IQ points...I'm talking, "Warm Rock" -- "Must hold hand before crossing street." -- "Mongo Like Candy" kind of just not all there upstairs.

Then again, I know lots of folks more intelligent than me.  Sometimes, I'm the lowest IQ of the bunch (and let me tell you, that can be a little intimidating, or irritating depending on how arrogant they are) but luckily, they tolerate ME.

But intelligence is important to me -- it lends itself well to both Tolerance and Adaptability.

So, that's an example of my criteria.

What's yours?


The reason I ask for your indulgence is because I've got more than a passing acquaintence with rage, myself, and yes, I do surround myself sometimes with angry but brilliant people -- in a classification best titled "The short list of folks you don't want to piss off, because they are both vindictive, AND imaginative."

But ironically, several of them are absolutely hilarious;  They use sarcasm as their artistic medium and sometimes the madder they get, the funnier they get.  One buddy of mine whose name I won't mention in an open forum, is constantly pissed off with the world...it skews his worldview to the ridiculous extreme and I nearly asphyxiate myself when he talks about the people around him through his eys.

I guess what I'm getting at is that even angry, hateful people have a place in society.  And have a place in my "friends list".

So don't count yourself out yet.  While we're still just words on a screen, and I'll tell you straight up that I have a life outside of the boards and that talking to you here is one of many hobbies I have along with others, I DO care about what's going on with you for my own selfish reasons -- I want to keep you around.  You sound sensitive enough to be useful.  Moreover, if I can help you out, you may survive long enough to take the experience you're earning the hard way and put it to good use, or even HELP SOMEONE ELSE.

So in one way, I'm offering advice and direction because I figure we might be able to be friends.  In another way, I'm paying a debt forward.  Either way, it's to my advantage and it makes me happy, because I benefit emotionally.  Hopefully it will also benefit you.

Yay, symbiosis!

So, indulge me and play along?  Like I said, you don't have to in public...we can take it to PM's.

S